Now Really, What Is Your Basis For Comparison?
by ArtemisdelaLune
Summary: Kagome has had enough, one fateful day she says the Words. "I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!" she screams. Jareth comes and makes her an offer she can't refuse. Inuyasha/Labyrinth crossover.


**A/N:** Well, there was a chat amongst my friends about shipping and a good friend's favourite films and anime. _Inuyasha _and _Labyrinth_ were brought up. And thus, via roundabout way, I wrote this fic, and was urged to publish it here.

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**Characters:**Kagome/Jareth/Inuyasha/Sesshoumaru/Miroku/Sango/Rin/Shippou/Ah-Un/Kirara/Chorus of goblins and fangirling goddesses . . . and an imp.  
**Genre:** Crack, crack, crackitty craaaaaack, wonderful crack.  
**Universe:** AU  
**Warnings:** Inuyasha has a potty mouth. And there are mesmerising pieces of clothing. And smexiness. And crackiness. And insanity. ANd a rather nice pair of trousers.

**Now Really, What Is Your Basis For Comparison?**

The Feudal Era was so strange, and yet so _boring_. Another day, another march searching for shards of the Shikon no Tama, fighting demons, arguing, waiting for the pervert monk to try and cop a feel and for the demon slayer to return the favour by knocking him out. And of course . . .

"Sit boy!" With a thud the obstreperous half-demon fell to earth, where, after a stunned moment he began cursing Kagome for sitting him. Miroku, Sango, Shippou and even Kirara sighed, same old, same old. Couldn't _anything_ unusual happen today? Anything at all?

It just so happened that a bored goddess was more bored than usual and decided to grant their unspoken wish.

What a pity.

"You bitch! Why'd you do that?! You're just so damned lazy. It's not even noon yet and you want to _stop_! No wonder we never find any of the shards. We're stopping every ten damn' minutes!" Inuyasha bellowed as he tried to get up.

"Why Inuyasha, what a fitting position. Face down in the dirt like the lowly creature that you are."

Inuyasha's ears twitched spasmodically, "Damn it you _bitch_, this is why we should've kept moving, but _no_, you just had to get all stroppy on me. Now look at what you've done.

"Don't you hurt them Sesshoumaru. As soon as I get up I'm bloody well going to kill you."

***

Let us step back from the brother's urinating contest and take a closer look at the humans involved in this semi-regular confrontation.

Miroku has zoned away and is currently contemplating fondling the well-toned curves of a certain demon _taijya_'s bottom.

Sango is also away with the fairies as she's standing far too close to Miroku, she's in a dire situation. Any minute now the monk's going to caress her behind.

Shippou and Kirara are slightly more interested in the fight than the humans, but what can you expect? They're demons and this kind of thing's fun, think of it as a soap opera. Besides, Inuyasha's going to get his ass kicked, and that's always fun.

Rin's also there. That odd little human girl who always follows Sesshoumaru is not really paying any attention to the 'grown ups' either. She's too busy tormenting a certain imp by the name of Jaken. Guess she takes after Sesshoumaru.

However, as interesting as these people are, let us zoom in on Kagome.

A stressed out fifteen-year-old. A very angry stressed out fifteen-year-old. A very angry, stressed out fifteen-year-old who just so happens to be a miko. Whose mind just so happens to be open to suggestions. Such as this: _"I wish the goblins would come take you away right now!"_

A mere whisper at first, she tries to be sensible. "Inuyasha, Lord Sesshoumaru, can't you stop this? Please? You are brothers after all." Two astonishingly similar cold glares silence her. "Eep" The brothers are mere seconds away from attacking each other with extreme prejudice.

_"I wish the goblins would come take you away right now! That's not hard now is it?!"_ What a thick head the miko has.

Kagome tries once more to be reasonable - she's persistent if nothing else, but alas, the _inuyoukai_ are more stubborn than even a teenage girl.

_"I wish the goblins would come take you away right now! Just say your right words . . . "_ The goddess was getting quite irked now. _"I wish the goblins would come take you away right now!"_

Behind her Sango shrieked, "HENTAI!" and smashed her hiraikotsu over Miroku's head.

Kagome snapped.

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!" she screamed at everyone in the clearing. Her unfocussed anger was a magnet to the goblins, but well, for a monk, a demon slayer and a good half dozen demons they weren't much of a match. Goblins (and an imp) flew everywhere, it was like a rather unpleasant rain. And it smelled funny too.

A shocked pause followed. "Kagome-chan, where did all those imps come from? An what are gob-lins?"

"Feh. They aren't imps. They've got no _youki_."

Sesshoumaru stayed quiet, glaring at the goblins (sadly (for a given measure of sadly) deceased (quite definitely deceased)) who had dared take Rin away from him. He too was interested in these goblins, and how the miko had apparently summoned them.

"Well hel_lo_ Kagome darling. We do have a conundrum don't we?" A sexy, impeccably British accented man said as he walked out of shadows that shouldn't have been able to hide him.

Up in the heavens the bored goddess accumulated another two or three goddess. The power of that voice, that hair, that man was amazing. But we digress.

Inuyasha jumped in front of Kagome brandishing his Tessaiga, "Oi, who're you to go around calling my Kagome 'darling'?! Who are you?! Why're you here?!"

"Kagome-sama, unless he's hiding his aura this man isn't a youkai, he has no youki." Miroku spoke as he and Sango, their differences forgotten in the heat of battle surrounded Kagome.

"Does he have any shards Kagome-chan?" Sango asked quietly.

"No . . . who are you?"

"Why, precious, you summoned me. 'I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now.'

"I am Jareth, the Goblin King."

(In heaven the goddesses gave a mighty 'SQUEEE', for this was he of the voice, the hair, those impossibly tight trousers . . . oh my . . . (pardon the narrator for her little daydream there) and the very object of the goddesses' desires.) He flourished his black cape and bowed elegantly.

"However, it seems that you've made rather a mess of the summoning. Nevertheless;" He changed out of his formal garb and into the leather jacket and grey trousers that he preferred on less formal occasions.

"Do you want it?"

("YES!" screamed the goddesses. Then they stared some more, caught out in surprise by those trousers . . . Mmmmm . . . )

Down on earth Sango and Kagome too were preoccupied. They really were powerful weren't they, those trousers, so tight. Deliciously so. Sango's mouth was hanging open, poor girl, she'd never seen a man wearing such daring clothing before. Complete culture shock. But even Kagome was staring.

"Do you want it?" Jareth asked again, waving his crystal in front of Kagome's face.

"I want y-" Inuyasha shook her.

"Kagome! Wake up! You bastard, remove the spell on her or I'll cut your head off."

"Tch. Foolish hanyou, he's casting no spell."

"Then why're the girls so dazed?! Explain that your Royal Ice-ness."

"They are simply surprised by the beauty and the assets of this . . . being.."

"Oh yeah?! How d'ya know that?!"

Sesshoumaru smirked. "Many women have gazed at this Sesshoumaru like that. Especially the goddesses.

"Has noone ever gazed at you like that little brother?" He titled his head slightly, "No, not many, especially when there are more attractive ones to gaze at." Inuyasha began blustering again as Sesshoumaru looked to Jareth, they shared a similar smirk - one that knows their beauty is prone to make women of all ages and types starstruck. It was nice being drop dead (literally in Sesshoumaru's case) beautiful.

Kagome finally came to, the trousers releasing her from their power. "What is it that I want?"

Jareth waved the crystal in front of her again and Inuyasha gasped. "He's got the fuckin' Shikon no Tama! I'm gonna - "

"Sit." Inuyasha sat. Rin giggled. Jareth smiled.

"I'm offering you your dreams Kagome. Just take them and I'll spirit everyone away to the Castle Beyond the Goblin City where they'll become one of us forever."

"And if I refuse?"

"I'll take them to the Castle Beyond the Goblin City and give you thirteen hours to run the Labyrinth."

Kagome seemed to think a moment. "What, exactly, are you? You're no _youkai_, but not human either."

Jareth laughed, "You summoned me, and yet you don't know what I am?

"I am Sidhe, but not. I am Seelie and UnSeelie. I am Goblin, but only by rule. But I am a true Fae. Older than time, and yet constantly reborn, reconfigured, remade. I am dreams and nightmares. True be told precious, I shouldn't even be in this land, but a wish is a wish, and I am bound to answer them. _If_ the right words are said."

"And you offer my dreams in return for all these people."

"Yes. _And_, He glanced into the crystal he was playing with, "If your dreams just so happened to contain a certain King, as they inevitably do, why, then love is but a 'yes' away."

("SAY YES!"

"YES! YES!"

There was a pause as the goddesses contemplated what they were doing.

"Wait . . . "

"REFUSE HIM! REFUSE HIM!"

"YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER HIM!"

"YOU _REALLY_ HAVE NO POWER OVER HIM. _REALLY!_")

Everyone stared at the King, a stranger in this land, and yet supremely seductive and powerful nonetheless.

Kagome smiled, "Every wish eh?"

"Everything I do, I do for you."

"I wish there was a one-use subjugation necklace around the Goblin King's neck."

With a bewildered puff of glitter and sparkles one appeared around the similarly confused King's neck. The others shared a smile or a small chuckle. Inuyasha just laughed out loud as the Goblin King remembered what happened to Inuyasha when Kagome said . . . "Seriously, I wonder what you basis for comparison is. I've got all these delicious and sexy men around, I'm having a ton of fun, what more could I really want?

"You're very pretty and everything Goblin King, but hey, I'm busy.

"Goblin King, _sit_!" He sat and vanished in a puff of glittery smoke, dusting everyone in the clearing with a layer and golden glitter. It looked especially dazzling on Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru actually - it matched their eyes.

With a look at everyone, they all knew without even speaking that this incident would never be spoken of again - it was just too weird, even for the Feudal Era. Sesshoumaru and his gang were the first the leave, heading for the nearest river as the glitter-dust was making Sesshoumaru's nose itch. Inuyasha, Kagome and the rest left shortly after, heading in the exact opposite direction to Sesshoumaru because Inuyasha had no wish to stumble across his brother bathing.

Didn't stop Kagome and Sango from thinking about the smexiness of the Goblin King for several hours afterwards though. Especially when the glitter caught the sun and they began to sparkle inanely. Complete with _sparkley-sparkle-sparkle_ noises.

***

ELSEWHERE:

Jareth awoke with a start. Someone was nibbling on his neck. "What the-?"

The man looke up, wiping away some claret coloured blood from his lips an gave Jareth a dazzling, pointy-toothed smile, "My apolllogggiezs sir. But you looked zso delisheyoush that I had to tazste."

He nodded his head and the extremely confused and slightly horrified Goblin King. "Vlad Dracul at your zzservissse." The sun came out and shone gently upon Dracula's back, he was surrounded by a halo of glitter, complete with _sparkley-sparkle-sparkle_ noises. "What?" Jareth was so dazed he could only focus on the _sparkling vampire_ in front of him. This was something considering everything _else_ he'd been through that day.

Dracula looked around, then at his skin. "Vhat the bloodee hell?!"

(Up in the heavens, the fangirls goddesses SQUEE'd some more. Two pretty men! What more could they want? And it had taken absolute _ages_ to make work as well.

"Hold on a second, we should have chosen _Jareth/Sesshoumaru_! What were we thinking?!")

**Word count: **1930

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**A/N:**

And here endeth my first crackfic. Special attribution goes to **HeroesDaughter**, **PikaLaCynique** and **AsheRyder** on **deviantArt** for their crossover webcomics. Especially **HeroesDaughter**'s _Down the Street_ as I blatantly borrowed parts of the very last Dracula/Jareth scene from a few of her comics. I believe it was numbers 5 – 7 or thereabouts.

Now for the complicated bit:  
_Down the Street_ by **HeroesDaughter **is a fanfanfanwebcomic of _Girls Next Door_ and _Roommates_.  
_Girls Next Door_ by **PikaLaCynique** is a fanfanwebcomic of _Roommates_.  
_Roommmates_ by **AsheRyder** is a fanwebcomic of _Phantom of the Opera_, _Labyrinth_, _Pirates of the Carribean_ and _Les Miserables_ as well as _many, many **many**_ more fandoms.  
The universe cooked up by these three is highly interlinked and extremely funny. I particularly recommend the mini-arcs of _Roommates:Mystery_ _(Roommates_)_,_ _The Date_ and _Drama on the ROoftop_ (_Girls Next Door)_ and the _Date_ (_Down the Street_).

**PikaLaCynique** can also be found on this very site under the same name, just look in the _Labyrinth_ section.


End file.
